Now This Made Me Not Only Smile But Giggle Too!

Every day I start my day looking for things to make me happy and today as I was bringing in my washing I was taken by all the vibrant colours on my washing line, which made me smile, then I noticed how beautiful my newly mown lawn was as overnight it had been snowed on by a million apple blossom petals all the gentle pinks and whites covering the deep green of the grass.  Then I noticed my neighbour’s house painted a lovely pale blue which melded with the sky.  So, in essence being happy is as easy as just looking at your washing line.

Be happy and always live by design not by default.

Cathi Gaughan (Walton-to-be)Happy by Never Shout Never

Have you ever been in an argument where your point is so valid and true you have to stop the other person speaking so they will understand?  Or walked into a child’s bedroom and “hit the roof” at the mess and told them to “tidy this pigsty/mess/Armageddon etc up”?  Then gone off to carry on with your jobs?    Has, by any chance any of the following ever happened afterwards?

L  Your argument lays on the floor in tatters unheeded, and you are left alone/angry

L  Found the childs bedroom still in the same mess but it has also acquired a tearful offspring looking more like you have beaten them with the crazy stick * than told them to tidy up?

L  Asked yourself “why is everyone making this SO difficult?” and  “Am I the only one that listens round here?”

I am just guessing that mayhap that this could have happened or if not something of a similar ilk.  Now, have you ever tried to move house by pushing your existing one to a new desired location?  Ever had a huge tree in the garden that you wanted moving to the other end and just braced yourself and put your back against it and dug your heels in so as to move it with brute force?  If the answer is yes, then you really need to read this if no, it is because you know fine well neither will move, as you would be pushing against something that is immoveable and offers back a great deal of resistance.

So it is with people.  If you are so focused on your side of the equation that all you do is push against them then their instinct is to push back, put up resistance.  If you are a little bit more willing to take a little bit more time to understand someone and how they tick rather than impose yourself onto them, you are more likely to find people starting to flow with you rather than push back, you will find that you are in an amicable discussion rather than a heated argument.  This can reach all aspects of life i.e. driving along someone drives up right behind your car, they then overtake, way too close to an oncoming vehicle your reaction may be to madly gesticulate to their vehicle, or even crawl way too close to them.  Rather we should think “eek, I remember doing that once, making a wrong call when driving, it scared the hell out of me, poor sod is probably shaking from head to foot”.  But if most of us are honest we automatically start raging at them, in so doing whether you have noticed or not, their driving became aggressive, so your driving becomes aggressive and so on and so forth.  I have taken special note of this syndrome around my home, from 15:30 till about 19:00 the normal steady flow becomes mayhem, the gentle roundabout into town is suddenly on speed, there are cars being driven way too fast through the village, and inches between one car and another.  It is the butterfly effect in play.  However, because I have been learning this I have found if someone does creep up too close and overtake dangerously if I just hang back and keep cool their driving seems to do the same thing.  Try it.

Now, let us revisit the child in the bedroom that has done a wonderful impressionist sculpture of “Childs Room In Washing Machine”.  Rather than demanding them to clear up (pushing against), why not start up a conversation along the lines of “ hey ho you, looks like someone has been having a great time” (starts off nice and happy, therefore putting child in relaxed and happy mood), “come on, let’s see if we can find your bedroom together”.  This way you are bending with them, enjoining with them, interacting and chances are done calmly the child will respond positively and it all becomes bonding time rather than war zone.  All the child will see when you are positive is a happy, helping and caring person and will want this all the time so the child will end up trying to please you as everyone loves

*other imaginary sticks/hard metal objects/mitres are available from cathisdementedimagination.complicatedworld@notadotcom

being with helpful happy people.  Also, the great thing about young children is they truly understand the words “I’m sorry”, they accept them, they love hearing an adult admitting they too are human and fallible but, unlike adults they forgive immediately.  Children are wonderful mirrors of our behaviour and will INSTANTLY react to being pushed against and on the same note they will INSTANTLY react to someone bending with them.

Oh, and the answer to the questions “why is everyone making this SO difficult?” and  “Am I the only one that listens round here?” is a) you are included in everyone and b) No.

A great Taoist story that illustrates this article goes something like this:

A group of intellectuals who came across a waterfall whilst strolling through the woods.  As they looked into the water they noticed a body of an old man bobbing up and down in the roaring churning water.  Horrified they rushed to the edge trying to figure out how they were going to get the body out to give it a decent burial.  Their discussion came to a sudden and abrupt halt when the supposedly dead man stands up, walks out of the water, dries himself off and walks away.  Astounded the scholars ran after the old man and asked “How did you survive in that water, no-one can survive in there, no-one ever comes out alive!”  The old man replies “It’s easy, you just go up when the water goes up, and down when the water goes down”.

In other words you don’t put up resistance and force against something to survive but understand and flow with it.

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There are many people who ask “What is the right way to bring up my child”.  Worried mothers and fathers fretting about this wide ranging topic.

Well here is the answer that you have all been looking for, the definitive knowledge, the golden chalice as it were.  So, buckle up and read on . . .

There may be a sentence in this next paragraph that will either elate you or deflate you but you have to stand by it as the answer to the question.  There is no correct way.

Yup, that’s it.  Your mother/father did it her way, got a couple of things wrong.  Your local shop keepers mother/father made mistakes.  That bloke across the street looking at jewellery in the window for his wife, his mother/father, now and again, got lost and confused.  The leader of your favourite political party’s mother/father sat in total frustration not knowing why their baby was crying.  The great leaders of the world’s mothers or fathers worried about whether they were doing the right thing.  Am I getting this across yet?

On the whole as one body of parental beings, we worry about our little people.  Even if the perfect parent exists out there they may be trying to bring up the most imperfect child thus making their little person have the most unhappy childhood.

The best advice I have ever taken is . . . let your child be who they want to be.  Trust in the fact that they are quite capable of becoming that which is best for them.  This may be quite the opposite of what you desire or expect but, at the end of the day this is not your life it is THEIRS.  By all means love, care and guide but guide only if requested.

The truth of the matter is us parents as a whole sometimes forget that children are after all sentient beings that will learn to walk, talk and just be, all in their own time.  There is no medal or badge of honour given to those babies that crawl the earliest or talk their words at the youngest age, they just . . . .  do and good for them.  On the flip side there are some children that don’t crawl until well after 8 months . . .  but they do.

Yes, of course at a young and tender age they will want to be Superman, Fairies, Knights, Princesses, Wrestlers, Ballet Dancers or just invisible and why not?  I have a friend whose daughter wanted to go to playschool in her fairy outfit every day, so rather than making her conform to what everyone else dressed like, she let her daughter do just that.  This little girl has now grown up and guess what, she does not walk around in a fairy outfit, she is a wonderfully artistic little being who is at peace with the world and does not judge as in her mind everyone has the right to their own individuality and, if they so choose to wander round the streets in a fairy outfit then good for them!

Having faith in your child’s personal ability is one of the greatest gifts you can give them.  I met a man in Australia many years ago who had disabilities from birth, his parents were told that he would never be able to walk and would never reach past the mental age of a 5 year old.  His parents refused to believe this, and always trusted in the fact that their son, despite his disabilities, would grow up to have a normal and fulfilled life.

I met this man at a friend’s house.  He was in his early thirties and was sitting next to the pool his walking stick to his left.  He had become a molecular bio-chemist, well that was his second degree he was in-fact working in the hospital as their leading gynaecologist.  Not only was he a brilliant man, but incredibly funny and wonderful company.  He sat and told me how much respect he had for his parents as they refused to put him in a “special” school and insisted he went to the local mainstream school even though they knew he may get bullied because of his deformities, but trusted in him and trusted in the fact that he would be fine.  And, he was.

The famous author Napoleon Hill wrote about the story of his son Blair, who was born without ears they were told their son was a deaf mute.  He describes how

. . . . . .   “the outlook was far from encouraging but DESIRE BACKED BY FAITH knows no such word as impossible. . . .”

And through a series of events he learnt to hear and speak.  Blair went to college, stumbled across a hearing aid that worked for him when he was 18, wrote to the company to thank them which lead him to obtain a position within the company reaching out to thousands upon thousands of deaf people showing them the technology which in turn helped them.

So, Napoleon Hill writes that although he was told his child may never hear or speak, through his belief in his son, his son endeavoured and succeeded in doing both.  Blair was later tested by Dr Irvine Voorhees, a specialist who was astounded at how well he could hear and speak, even though an x-ray showed there was no opening in Blairs skull from where his ears should be to his brain.

He put faith in his son, and trusted in the fact that his son would succeed.

Another thing to ponder when thinking about your childs abilities to understand is how much information a child learns in one month of school, the maths, English, languages, history, science etc., how quickly they learn to play, skip, draw etc.  Then you worry about their ability to walk down a flight of stairs!  It just doesn’t add up does it.

Recently I was at a skate park with my daughter, whilst she was whizzing merrily about I heard mothers telling their boys “be careful”, “look out” etc.   Instantly when you are told to be careful you are looking out for danger, as soon as you focus on danger, you are going to find it, as soon as you find it, it’s going to hurt.  How about just saying “go and have the best fun you can have” rather than taking all the fun out of the skate park!  If you are careful whilst learning to BMX or skate or Board you are not going to get very far.  You have to trust in the fact your child will learn how to avoid the dangers.

Children by definition naturally take risks, they do this the moment they decide to flip over onto their fronts and crawl.  So at the tender age of /XX/XXX amount of months they were allowed to flip over and crawl, so why not let them, when they want to flip about on a bike/roller blades or whatever just let them try it without pointing out the dangers.  Babies don’t understand danger this is why they are less likely to hurt themselves when they fall over.  Adults expect pain and tense when falling and this is why more adults than children sustain more injury in a fall.

So to sum up, there is no right way to bring up your child, everyone does it differently but one thing is for sure if you trust in the fact your child will be OK, then, they will be.  Love them eternally, forgive their mistakes and believe that they will be the best that they can be.  Most importantly of all let your child be happiest when they are being themselves.

I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it.

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This sounds a very doleful statement but, in true essence it is in fact very powerful.  In order to make the most of any situation you have to realise you have within you the capabilities to do, be, have anything you wish.

When you were born you had the very best, top of the range, bespoke inbuilt guidance system, and from your first encounters of life it worked.  But gradually as you got older it became worn down by the insistence of those older and so called “wiser” others who surrounded you as they worked hard to convince you that you could not trust your own impulses

We spend most of our lifetimes being governed, following sets of rules or groups of people (religious/political etc) instructing us what is “right” and what is “wrong”, this is like listening to one man stating that he wants to bring about world peace, a noble thought, but when thought through it is one mans perception of how he believes we should all live our lives by his ideals.  This would be a dictatorship.

If I walked into your house tomorrow and told you that your pictures were wrong, change them, your seating was against my principles, change it and for the love of me, get that colour off the walls.  You would boot me out of the house and phone the funny farm to have me picked up off the street and carted away, and yet you allow doctrines and laws that are not of your creating to guide you. Hmmmmm.

There is no wonder people stumble through their time on this sphere trying to hammer their little square pegs into someone else’s round holes trying to make archaic rules and doctrines fit, generally speaking those that were written thousands of years before our time – fit into this new life experience.

As a result what transgresses for the most part is frustration and at best confusion.  People even die for these arcane principles.

We are ever changing, growth seeking beings so most of the laws and rules are not appropriate to the lives we are living.  If we had not intended to grow we would not be here in this physical life experience.  However, we are here and we seek expansion, and growth and want to add to that which we already understand.  If the stuff that was figured out long ago was the ultimate truth and way, then there would be no reason for us to exist today.

Face it, it just doesn’t make sense.

Fact.  YOU are your own creator, YOU are the only person capable and culpable for your actions both from this point forward and for all that has happened to you in the past.

This fact was imparted to a couple I knew and I was amazed at how expansively different their reactions to this was.  One of them was completely floored went stony silent and ashen when asked what was wrong they imparted that they had just realised that they were responsible for all that had happened to them in their life upto that point and that no-one else could be or should be blamed for ANYTHING that had come to pass, in essence they were petrified by the fact that they could not blame other people for their mistakes or misfortunes in life.

On the other end of the equation the other person was completely and utterly blown away by it, elated, over the moon, they realised that if they are their own creator this means that they would and always have been capable of anything and everything they wished to do, capable of healing, capable of being very top in their game as they only had themselves to answer to, not only this but their scope on life suddenly became limitless.  They even came out with this wonderful statement:

Nobody can impact upon your own creation unless invited.

In essence, you choose your path and your destination, you have a built in sat-nav that, trust me, no, trust IT, it works.

So, go and believe in your guidance system, believe in yourself and

have faith and trust in the future, understand that it will deliver what you ask.

ENJOY

I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it.

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Pushing against anything , as it never turns out the way you

would like.

I have been witness to a wonderful example of this just this week.

Three weeks ago we bought a 3 year old German Shepherd

from German Shepherd Rescue UK *.  She is a wonderful girl,

Her only “nuance” is she had been completely un-socialised

with other beings apart from her owners and is very insecure

around other dogs which can turn to aggression if handled

incorrectly.

So, a socialising her we did go.  Luckily we had a basket muzzle

on her so all were safe where ever we took her.  She seemed OK

as long as we kept a keen watch on her and did not let her have eye to

eye contact  with any dogs.  However, the other dogs we tried to

Introduce her to did not take too kindly to her strong arm (leg) tactics

and to her constantly wanting to sniff and investigate them.  So they

would growl and she would retaliate, only an aggressive hug

thanks to the muzzle but retaliate she did.

Then we took her for a walk with one of my clients dogs Taffy.

He is a 10 year old German Shepherd/Collie cross, basically

a little round fluffy gentleman.

When she sniffed him, he sniffed the floor.  When her hackles

went up like a porcupine, he turned round and looked at a tree.

When she grumbled, he just turned heel and wandered off.

When she ran towards him, he sat down and scratched his ear.

Basically, there was nothing our dog could do that would phase

the little man.  Up to such a point that she no longer bothered

him at all.

If he sniffed a patch of grass she was so taken off guard that she

had to go and sniff what he was sniffing.  Now,  she does not

need her muzzle on near him, as he has taught her that no matter

what she throws his way, unless it is calm and pleasant

She will be utterly ignored.

And so we should use this example in our lives.  If someone shouts,

don’t shout back.  If someone lunges toward you, move calmly

to one side.  If you do not like a situation, don’t stay there, get

away from it.  People get bored of fighting and arguing if there

is no response from the other side.

Let us not forget that Ghandi conquered the hearts and minds

Of an empire through passive resistance.

So thank you Taffy.  It just goes to show that we can all learn

from everyone and anything, even a round fluffy content little dog.

With thanks and appreciation.

Cathi & Rob

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*If you are interested in finding a German Shepherd these people

Are wonderful and do need our help.  For more information visit them at:

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We have all been there, two maybe three weeks before New Year in front of the mirror taking a deep long look at ourselves thinking where we are in life and making that decision that come the New Year, come the New You. We decide the weight will be lost, the bad habits given up, the early mornings will be met with glee and the progression in our own personal success will be started. We chat with friends/colleagues/family members about our wonderful intentions. We get hyped and excited.

Unfortunately, for most of us, come the 2nd week of January the choccie biscuits are back centre stage, the bad habits are creeping back in and we start settling back into the routine of the year before, and the year before that, and the year before that. Resolutions in a shambolick heap somewhere hidden away from view with a towel over them in the recesses of our minds, to be uncovered again December 10th of this new year. The sense of failure is back and so are the cast , the directors and writers of the play that is called “Your Life”.

As with all plays, they obtain reviews which are keenly read by all who are involved, the old hand at the plays will ignore the bad reviews and just get on, however, most will be hurt, demoralised etc., by them, and many give in and give up. So it is with the play that is your life. We take on board all the bad reviews and become demoralised, the only difference being that 90% of the time you are both the play-write and the critic.

Humans are the only living creatures that talk to themselves. Each and every day, every hour giving your critique on you. What we need to ensure is the information we are feeding ourselves is positive. For instance, never be down on yourself about your body, hair even personality, as you have to know what you do not like in order to know what you do like, and once you have the vision of what you do like you then have given yourself the starters gun that will propel you forward towards the point where you want to be. Never be unhappy about yourself as without contrast and desire there cannot be change.

You are right here and now in this moment the sum total of the thoughts and actions that you have taken up to this point, therefore if you change your thoughts and actions from this point forward you will then be the sum total of those thoughts and actions, each step propelling you forward towards your desire.

GO FORWARD, ENJOY YOU, ENJOY CONTRAST, ENJOY DESIRE AND ENJOY LIFE, APPRECIATE THE NOW.

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Make Your Change a Positive One